What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
