the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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