If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Randomize
