dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
