also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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