My first STD was from a foam party
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
