Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
