I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
