I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
