she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
