we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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