the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
