I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
