look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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