True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
