So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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