Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Text me some of your sweat
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
