why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
