Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
