If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
