I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
