so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
