Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
