ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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