is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
