Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize