Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
