I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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