thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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