I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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