reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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