why do cheetos always look like penises
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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