so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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