This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
