You're completely useless in the revolution.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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