omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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