you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
