I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
