I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
