if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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