I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
