Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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