I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Randomize
