Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
