Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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