OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
