foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Rumble strips road head = magical
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
