Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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