ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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