I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
