so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
