.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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