soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
pop tarts are not kleenex
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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