Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
