Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Rumble strips road head = magical
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
