I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
