Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
