i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
