I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
