Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
