Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
