I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Pants are for mortals
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
