Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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