so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
