thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
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