:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
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