I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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