Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
