Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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