Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize