She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
