Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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