There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
