No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
