I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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