WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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