I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
