in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
